


Call Mom Home

by Misscar



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 2017, 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fanart, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Mutual Pining, Pon Farr, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Relationship Advice, Slow Burn, Zine: KiSCon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-12-31 19:39:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12139656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misscar/pseuds/Misscar
Summary: Title: Call Mom HomeSummary: Winona Kirk has a very complicated relationship with her youngest son. Despite that, her communicator is always open to him, even when it means dishing out advice regarding his even more complicated relationship with his First Officer. Five times Winona offers Jim advice on how to deal with his Spock issues (that he doesn’t always follow) and the one time he doesn’t need her help to deal with his Spock issues.Entry for KiScon 2017 ZineThis is the writer’s cut version now with the original prologue restored.





	1. Call 0: Bring Bail Money

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Call Mom Home
> 
> Summary: Winona Kirk has a very complicated relationship with her youngest son. Despite that, her communicator is always open to him, even when it means dishing out advice regarding his even more complicated relationship with his First Officer. Five times Winona offers Jim advice on how to deal with his Spock issues (that he doesn’t always follow) and the one time he doesn’t need her help to deal with his Spock issues.  
> Entry for KiScon 2017 Zine 
> 
> This is the writer’s cut version now with the original prologue restored. The story is complete but with my work schedule being what it is I probably will post a chapter every day or two as I do reformatting. However, your reviews can convince me to proofread faster
> 
> Beta: GraysonSteele
> 
> Rating: T for language and references to Tarsus
> 
> Timeline: KTL
> 
> This story covers events from all three movies and is cannon compliant until the end of Star Trek Beyond
> 
> The title is inspired by the command I give my cell phone when I want to talk to my mother.
> 
> Warnings: Slowburn. Mentions of Tarsus. Mentions of Jim/other and Spock/Nyota because this is cannon compliant for the Kelvin timeline until post Star Trek Beyond

Winona Kirk loves her son. She has loved him from the moment she knew that he existed. Love isn’t everything though, because despite this love Winona has always had a very complicated relationship with her youngest son and now, unfortunately, only living child.

Battling postpartum depression exacerbated by watching the love of her life die in a blaze of glory did not exactly make her mother of the year material. Jim’s early years were not the best for anyone involved. She’s not going to lie and say that she wasn’t resentful. However, it wasn’t Jim who she was mad at but George which would be hard for small child to grasp.

Sam didn’t make things better. When he was seven, the boy asked if they dropped off Jim off at an “orphanage” would he get his dad back. This just happened to be during Jim’s third birthday party. They started celebrating Jim’s birthday on January 5th after that incident.

In hindsight, she should’ve put all of them into therapy afterwards, but she didn’t. She didn’t realize there was a problem. She didn’t realize that she wasn’t being the mom she needed to be to both of her children. She was lost in her grief and the only time she felt okay was when she was working. This meant leaving her kids behind with who she now regards as the world’s worst rebound relationship ever.

Winona had many regrets on how she handled life post George; her biggest one was not finding herself on Dr. Suarez’s couch until Jim was old enough to drive. If she had gotten help earlier, then maybe she would’ve avoided her abusive second husband like the plague and Sam wouldn’t have run away at 14. Also, Jim would not have asked to be emancipated at 15, because he didn’t want to go with her back to Frank. Even then, Jim saw things more clearly than she did.

That was her rock-bottom that made her get help. She reevaluated a lot of life choices and ended up going back to school to retrain as a counselor/psychologist (after leaving Frank for good). She wanted to help other people avoid her screw ups. While she was helping other people, her sons were drowning and Sam’s case quite literally. At the age of 25, Sam’s body was found in the bottom of his apartment complex pool. The cause of death was listed as drowning, aided by intoxication. She never read the coroner’s toxicology report regarding Sam. She never would. She’s just thankful that Sam’s ex-girlfriend, Arlene, was the one that called her.

As bad as losing Sam was, it brought Jim back into her life. No one wants to see their child for the first time in six years at the funeral for their other child who they hadn’t even seen for even longer. But that’s what happened. Jim was angry, at her, at the world, but mostly at Sam, especially when he found out Arlene was pregnant with a daughter that Sam would never meet. It felt too much like history was repeating itself.

She was shocked that he hugged her. Winona was even more shocked that he took her communicator number and said he would call her. She didn’t expect for him to actually call her. Except he did, a week before his birthday and three days after Samantha Kirk was born. Unfortunately, the Riverside Correctional Center logo in the back told her why he was calling.

"Let me guess, you’re calling because I’m probably the only one you know that would come get you out of jail at 4 AM." She had really been hoping he was calling to ask about Samantha not something like this.

“Well, you’re the only one I know that could afford it.” Jim joked. She hoped it was a joke anyway.

"Just because I can doesn’t mean I should. Why are you in jail right now?" Winona asked rubbing her temple.

“Nothing big. There may have been a little bar fight.” She doubted it was little, considering the large bruise that covered Jim’s eyes.

“You’re almost 22 and an uncle. You shouldn’t be getting into bar fights.” She lamented. Yes, she realized she probably shouldn’t have said that, but it was too early for her to think coherently.

“I was working and big burly biker dude decided he did not like getting cut off. There went half the bar and I’m probably going to have to get a different job."

"Jim, you’re better than this.” She stated trying to keep her voice neutral.

 

“Now you try to be a mom.” Jim scoffed.

 

“Okay, I deserve that. I wasn’t back then and it took me a while to realize that, but I got help. You are a god damn genius, who shouldn’t be calling his mom to get him out of jail due to things going bad at his dead-end job. You were done with high school at 16 despite your year off.”

 

“Year off? Is that what we’re calling the Tarsus fiasco?” Jim interrupted. Winona continued not wanting to think about Tarsus.

 

“You were valedictorian and had an acceptance letter to..." Winona started to say, but she’s cut off.

 

“I graduated early because I hated everybody talking about my dead daddy and my time on the colony of the damned. I wanted to be out of there as soon as possible, but you didn’t see that at the time because you were too busy crawling back to your bastard ex-husband. How’s Frank? I didn’t see him at the funeral."

 

“I have no idea. Frank has been out of my life since about three months after you left. I haven’t seen him since I signed the papers and I have no plans to.” For half a second she saw Jim’s smile before he became completely serious again.

 

“Nice to know you made some positive changes in your life. So are you coming to get me out or am I going to find out what the Riverside Correctional Center serves for breakfast? I’m hoping for Froot Loops." Jim joked.

 

"I should let you check out the haute cuisine of the Riverside Correctional Center, but I’m not.” ‘Because I feel guilty for my many shortcomings during your childhood’ remains unsaid, but is understood by both of them.

 

She did get Jim out of jail that night and dropped him off at his way too tiny apartment in time for him to feed the stray cat that she’s sure Jim accidentally adopted. Jim named her Lucky, so obviously she was his. This scene was repeated three more times over the next five months. Not every occurrence involved bar fights. There was at least one incident of Jim being picked up on allegedly breaking into the servers of the George Kirk Memorial Archives in London. Yet, she kept going to pick Jim up because at least he was still reaching out to her. Sam had never done that.

 

It was at this point that Winona realized that she couldn’t deal with Jim alone and called Chris. Captain Christopher Pike was probably one of the few people in Starfleet that she still talked to. Jane Barnett was the other one, but she doesn’t count because Winona new her long before her husband convinced her to be the Starfleet spokesperson. It’s funny that she met both in a similar fashion. She met Chris while he was doing interviews for his dissertation on the Kelvin incident and Jane while she was conducting interviews to do a documentary on the Kelvin incident. However, it was Chris whom she needed right now.

 

"I need help." Winona said as soon as Chris popped up on the viewer, shirtless actually.

 

"I assumed that you did considering your calling me at 4 AM San Francisco time." Chris said with a sleepy smile.

 

"I forgot about the time difference. Sorry.” Winona apologized with a slight grimace. “I just got a phone call from Jim asking me to go bail him out of jail again."

 

"I doubt your calling for bail money.” Chris joked. “I heard you’re doing quite well for yourself in your new practice."

 

“It’s the fourth time I’ve had to get him out of jail since Samantha was born. Jim is brilliant, but he keeps doing dumb stuff like getting arrested for bar fights or hacking Starfleet servers. Thankfully, the charges keep getting dropped, but eventually he’s going to run out of luck. I don’t want him to end up like…” Winona couldn’t even bring herself to say Sam.

 

He was her greatest failure. If she had left Frank earlier, he would never have run away. If Sam hadn’t run away, he would have never got into hard drugs and she would not have had to bury him before his 26th birthday. She felt like Jim was also going down a bad road, not the same one as Sam, but not a very good one all the same. She wasn’t going to let that happen a second time. She felt like Chris could help her.

 

"Jim needs structure or at least some sort of goal to actually strive for. I think you can give him that." Winona confessed.

 

"The only structure I can give him is in the form of getting him into the Academy. I’m not sure that you really want your son in a Starfleet uniform. After everything you went through with this organization, I doubt you want that. Hell, your last assignment was Tarsus." She closed her eyes, not wanting to remember.

 

“He’s always wanted to prove that he could be better than George. I’d rather have a Starfleet Lieutenant as a son then deal with the Sam situation again. The more good people in Starfleet, the less likely cluster fucks like Tarsus will ever happen again. Besides, I know that you’ll watch after him."

 

“Like he was my own" Chris reassures her.

 

“I just can’t have Jim end up the same way. I already have one grandkid being raised without a father."

 

“It’s not the same.”

 

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need your help.”

 

“And you know you always have it. So you want me to meet him?" Chris asked.

 

"Next Friday night you’re in town corralling rowdy freshmen at the bar across from the Shipyard, because we both know you will be, just point out to Jim that he can do better." Winona suggested.

 

"You’re sure he will be there?" Chris raised an eyebrow at her.

 

"Yes."

 

“Fine, I will talk to him, but I make no promises. I’m sure he’s just as stubborn as you.”

 

"Worse, really." Winona smirked at him.

 

“If this works, you owe me dinner at the best steakhouse in Iowa City.” Chris said as he ended the call.

 

Two weeks later she was absolutely ecstatic when Jim called to let her know he was joining Starfleet Academy and would she mind keeping an eye on Lucky. She could rest easily at night with a small furball sleeping next to her now that Jim was on a different path. However, it would be years before she realized what or rather who that path would lead to.

 


	2. Call 1: What’s The Best Way to Get Out Of an Academic Dishonesty Charge (That Doesn’t Involve Sexual Favors)?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. You are all absolutely lovely. I have a feeling I’ll be posting most of these chapters right before going to bed. Which means I get to wake up to all of your lovely reviews in the morning. It’s a good way to wake up.

 

Just as she believed, Jim thrived at Starfleet Academy.  He was top of his class, despite his double track and accelerated course load.  He was on schedule to graduate in May and Chris Pike had already offered for her to stay at his apartment for the ceremony.  More importantly, Jim invited her.  The worst report she was getting about Jim from the Academy was related to his sleeping around.  His sex life didn’t bother her because she had slept with quite a few people herself during her Academy days, until she ran headfirst into George, literally.

 

Her overall relationship with Jim had improved greatly over the past two years.  Jim called her every other week.  Granted, at first, it was just to check up on Lucky, but slowly the conversations evolved and they had started to become close for which she was grateful.  Her son was becoming the man she thought he could be.  It was to the point where she no longer expected 4am calls asking her to rescue him after his latest bout of trouble.

 

Honestly, she should have known better.

 

“You’re still friends with Jane Barnett right?  Do you think you can convince her to not have her husband expel me?”  If her son or the mother of her only grandchild commed her at 4am, Winona was going to answer.  Although, with an opening like that, she really wished she hadn’t.

 

“What did you do?” she asked groggily.

 

“Nothing illegal.”  She looked at her screen just in time to see Jim give her the exact same look he had when he admitted to driving his daddy’s convertible into a gorge.  She was too old to be dealing with this.

 

“Considering you mention Jane’s husband and the word expel in the same sentence, I’m beginning to wonder if I need to call a lawyer.”

 

“The Academy’s judiciary board doesn’t allow outside representation.  I’m being accused of academic dishonesty.”

 

Winona responded with laughter.

 

“That’s reassuring Mom,” Jim replied, annoyed.

 

“It’s just funny that anyone would think you would cheat.  Honestly, I think you are only taking a time-condensed double-track because you would be bored otherwise.  Why would you cheat on any test?  What class are you accused of cheating in?” she asked.

 

“Technically not a class, it was the Kobayashi Maru simulator.”

 

Jim’s confession instantly triggered a headache.  “I take back what I said earlier.  You would totally cheat on a test that you’re not supposed to be able to pass just to prove that passing is possible.”

 

Jim didn’t like being told what to do.  He needed rules for the sake of boundaries, but he liked to break them just to prove that he could.  It was one of the reasons why things had been so volatile between him and Frank.

 

“I didn’t cheat per se.” Winona responded with the mom glare of death. “I just rewrote the conditions of the test because the pre-existing conditions were unrealistic.”

 

Winona didn’t need her psychology degree to call bullshit on that.  “You’re going to argue that position at your disciplinary hearing aren’t you?”  She should call Chris not Jane, because that would be problematic.

 

“Yes.  There wouldn’t even be a need for a disciplinary hearing if the hot, sexy simulation designer didn’t get so pissed off at the fact that someone could be just as smart as him.  Yes, it was an impressive piece of code, but it wasn’t that hard to rewrite it to give the simulation a more real-world feel.”

 

“Please tell me you didn’t try to get out of this by offering a blowjob?  I fully support him bringing you up on charges if you did something that stupid.”  Because Jim gushing about the simulation designer could only mean one thing, and she hoped Jim had outgrown the crush phase.

 

“Of course not.  Besides, I think he’s too much of a stickler for the rules to screw a student.”

 

“You are aware of the real purpose of the Kobayashi Maru?” Winona asked, reaching for the headache meds next to her bed because Jim was giving her a migraine.

 

“To see how future captains deal with a scenario with no hope.  The problem with that is in real life, there won’t be a situation completely devoid of hope, because if you actually believe that a situation is hopeless then you have made it hopeless.  There’s always a way out.  Tarsus was hopeless and we made it out.  You took the option that nobody thought of.  You saved all of us.”

 

Shooting the governor in the back before he could enact his genocidal plans was her desperate move.  “Not without a few scars.” Murdering him was the right thing to do; she saved thousands, especially because help arrived within 48 hours of pulling the trigger.  She did the right thing, but it doesn’t mean that she didn’t have nightmares about the ones she couldn’t save.  It didn’t mean that she hadn’t gone right back to Frank when they made it back to Earth because she wanted to punish herself.

 

“If you had really believed that the situation was hopeless, you would’ve never tried to take out the governor.”

 

“I don’t think you’re allowed to mention Tarsus at your disciplinary hearing.”  Even if it would make for a good defense.

 

“Right, too classified.  Also, you just know that the hot, sexy programmer is going to bring up Dad.  Apparently, that was what inspired the design of the test.  He found no way out, so he killed himself so we could live.  I believe there are other options.”

 

Winona groaned.  Of course this is daddy issues-related thing.  Half of the dumb things that her sons had done could be traced solely to daddy issues.  “Someday you might find yourself in that position and you’ll realize that there are no quick fixes.  Life isn’t a program that you can just reset the conditions on,” Winona told her son.

 

“If you believe there is no way out, then there’s no way out.”

 

“Sometimes, there’s not.  Sometimes, the only option is to make the sacrificial play.”

 

“If death was the only option, they weren’t that good.”

 

You only say that because you’re not old enough to know better, Winona thought to herself.  “Look, you obviously called me because you need help.  And since you’re convinced they are going to bring up George, you might as well use it to your advantage.  You can just tell them all that you reprogrammed the exam because you’re still pissed off at your dad for dying and even more pissed off at your mom for not living because of it.”  Considering that’s exactly what Winona thought happened, that would probably be the best defense.

 

“I’m not playing the dead dad card.  Especially because too many people at the Academy think I either got in because of my dad or because I’m fucking Pike.  The test is a cheat.  What’s the point of putting people in a hopeless situation?  There’s no point in a hopeless situation unless you are being purposely sadistic and I’m not sure if hot, sexy designer is a sadist.  If he is, I’m completely willing to let him work out his sadistic tendencies in more productive ways.”

 

“Please don’t proposition the guy.  I’m not getting you out of jail if he presses charges.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“Here’s an idea, maybe you can apologize,” Winona suggested.

 

“I did nothing wrong,” Jim argued.

 

“So how, exactly, did you rewrite the program?”

 

“Point – but the firewall was ridiculously weak.”

 

“Look, don’t be cocky.  Apologize and maybe try to work things out,” Winona suggested.

 

“I’m not being cocky.”

 

She had to suppress a laugh.  “Yes, you are.  You think you’re right and you might be, but you went around proving it the wrong way.  Apologize.  Throw yourself on the mercy of the court, or rather Admiral Barnett.  Play that daddy card, if you must.”

 

“I’m asking for help and this is what you give me?  You’re a psychologist; you can give me more than this.”

 

“You probably should have called me before this ended up in Judiciary’s hands.  We could have worked through your issues earlier.  Really, you should have filed a complaint against the exam before this incident.”

 

“Hey, I have to go.  I have about thirty volumes of Starfleet academic regulations to look through before my 10am hearing.”

 

“If only you looked at them before this incident,” Winona lamented.

 

“I’ll talk to you later, Mom.”

 

He hadn’t listened to her.  According to Jane, Jim got defensive and went into complete asshole mode.  He started an argument with the simulation designer (a.k.a. Professor Spock of Vulcan) in front of most of the class of 2258.  The only thing that saved Jim from getting expelled was Jane’s husband getting an emergency communiqué from Vulcan.

 

Within a few hours, it hadn’t mattered what stupid things Jim had said during his disciplinary hearing.  The most horrendous act of genocide in the history of the Federation made everything else seem trivial by comparison.


	3. Call 2: So How Do I Apologize for Being an Asshole?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, or left kudos. You are all absolutely lovely. I thought I would try uploading this little earlier in the day since I was too busy yesterday to post a chapter.

The destruction of Vulcan was a cataclysmic event. The entire Federation was traumatized. The near-miss on Earth made it worse in some ways. Winona was pretty sure that in the six years she’d been practicing, that she’d never had to deal with so many people in crisis at the same time, and that was before the Federation Office for Displaced Individuals had asked her if she would be willing to work with the survivors.

Four weeks after the Vulcan episode, Jim finally called her. It wasn’t the communication she’d received from her son since the event, but she really didn’t count the quick email that said ‘I’m not dead’ as actual communication. She’d talked to Chris frequently because he insisted that she stay at his apartment. Starfleet housing was at a premium because it was being used for refugee housing. Besides, he wasn’t using it due to spending quality time at Starfleet medical. She knew that he would need help when they released him sometime in the coming days.

She understood why she and her son hadn’t talked. She knew they were both working 20 hour days. Winona herself had been coming home and collapsing most nights. The same was likely true for Jim. In addition to all the obvious challenges, the destruction of an entire planet also created a lot of paperwork; at least that’s what Chris’s told her. Not to mention it took the Enterprise and her crew two weeks to limp back to Earth after their showdown. 

All the same, she was happy to see Jim on her screen, even if the circles under his eyes appeared to have circles of their own. It was to be expected, along with the lack of a smile.

“Congratulations, Jim. You’re looking good – gold has always been your color.” Her reference was to the command top he was wearing. She’d been informed by Chris that the field promotion was permanent. She was ridiculously proud of that fact. At least one of her sons had lived long enough to make something of himself; no thanks to her.

“I look exhausted,” Jim huffed out.

“At least you had those two weeks on impulse power to rest up before they were able to send a rescue ship.”

“That wasn’t rest. It was mandatory paperwork and forced confinement,” Jim quipped. “Do you have any idea how much paperwork is involved when an entire planet is destroyed?”

“Chris told me. It was enough to make me glad I left Starfleet for the psychology field.”

Jim responded by raising an eyebrow at her. “You know Starfleet needs psychologists? That way you could be close to your boyfriend. I’m looking forward to having a decent stepdad,” Jim joked.

“He’s a friend – an actual friend; that’s not a euphemism for someone I’m sleeping with,” she told her son with a groan.

“Whatever you say mom, although I’m not joking about Starfleet needing counselors. Do you know that other than my roommate, Bones, nobody else on the floor of our dorm survived? There were 62 people on our floor, and we are the only two not dead.”

“You’re not staying there by yourself are you? There’s an extra couch here if you need it. Lucky misses you.” She offered even though she knew that she and Jim in close quarters would probably be disastrous. They got along okay now because their contact was limited to emails, text messages, and the occasional video call. Cohabitation would likely lead to someone getting arrested.

“No. Bones is in Georgia visiting his daughter, and I’m staying with my new friend, Hikaru, and his boyfriend, Ben, because they need to turn the dorms into refugee housing. Thankfully, Hikaru is a Bay Area native and still lives in his old family house after his parents relocated post-retirement.”

“At least you’re not alone. Have you talked to anybody about what happened?” she asked concerned. This had been hard on everyone, but Jim had been right at the center of it all.

“There are people who need way more help more than me. I just lost some of my friends, not my entire world.”

“At the hands of the same person who killed your father.”

Jim glared at her as if he was trying to figure out how she knew the truth. It wasn’t exactly like Starfleet was releasing that information to the public.

“Chris told me.”

“Of course, he did.” Jim shook his head.

“You know you can talk to me. I may be a psychologist now, but I’m still your mom,” she reminded her son.

“I know, and I actually did call to talk to you about something. I kind of screwed up badly and I need help.”

“Well, at least you’re consistent.”

“At least I’m not asking for bail money this time,” Jim quipped.

“So what’s going on?”

“Chris told you about Spock right?”

“His original first officer, who ended up being your first officer because he wasn’t exactly fit to command after watching his home-planet implode.”

“Yes, sort of. Although it wasn’t that neat and tidy. So, I should probably tell you that Spock was the hot, sexy designer/snooty professor that I pissed off about five weeks ago with my unauthorized reconfiguring of the Kobayashi Maru.”

“So that’s what they’re calling it now – ‘unauthorized reconfiguring?’” Winona asked with a sharp look at her son.

“Actually, I don’t even think they’re including the ‘unauthorized’ portion anymore. Plus, I’m getting a commendation for original thinking.”

“And all you had to do was save Earth,” she joked.

“And to save Earth, I did something that I really wish I hadn’t.”

“I had to murder someone in cold blood to save us on Tarsus. That’s life sometimes,” she reminded her son.

“It doesn’t count as cold blood, if the guy you killed was planning to execute everybody with blue eyes or purple skin. The governor was a xenophobic asshole. You did what you had to do.”

She never regretted killing the governor, only his guards who were just following orders. However, Jim didn’t need to hear that now, because Tarsus needed to stay buried in the wake of Vulcan. So what happened?”

“Despite what Chris told you, Spock didn’t relinquish command voluntarily after Vulcan was destroyed. He refused to acknowledge that his inability to save his mother had any effect on him.”

“He tried to save his mom?”

“Yes, he beamed down to rescue her and the Vulcan elders. Spock saved the elders and his father but lost his mom.”

“That had to be painful,” Winona remarked.

“You and I can accept that, but Spock wouldn’t, so I had no choice but to force him to acknowledge that he was unfit.” Jim closed his eyes as he continued. “To do that, I had to be cruel. I had to push him, by telling him as an emotionless Vulcan he couldn’t have loved his mom. I barely know the guy and I knew what I was saying was a complete lie.” Jim opened his eyes. Shaking his head he quietly added, “You don’t look the way he did when he beamed back, and not care.”

Winona sighed. “He punched you out, didn’t he?”

“He choked me, actually. Thank god for dermal regenerators, otherwise I would still have bruises. I mean I'm OK with that sort of thing, but I want dinner first, and maybe a chance to choose a safe word,” Jim joked.

Jim was obviously deflecting. “Sex jokes will always be inappropriate with your mom,” Winona remarked. 

“Who says I’m joking?” Jim winked at her.

“I assume you consider that your great fuck-up?”

“Yes. And it’s made worse by the fact that I’m now the youngest captain in Starfleet history.”

“And how did that make things worse?” Winona asked, curious.

“Mom, you know they only let me keep my field promotion for the sake of publicity. I’m not ready to be a captain. I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing.” Jim looked genuinely worried.

“The fact that you would acknowledge that means that you do. Just get a more experienced first officer,” she suggested.

“That’s what I want. I want Spock to be my first officer. I need him to be my first officer. We’re good together. We saved Earth together. We just... He knows what I’m thinking without even saying it, and it’s just good.”

Considering some of Jim’s earlier comments, she wondered if he actually had a crush on this Spock. Winona knew better than to say that out loud. “Sounds like he’d make a good first officer for you. Have you put in an official request?”

“No, because I burned that bridge to ash,” Jim said with a crestfallen expression. “Spock’s not going to want to work with me.” 

“So convince him otherwise. May I suggest starting with an apology for what you said about his mom, and then beg for him to come.”

Jim smirked.

Winona rolled her eyes. “I mean come on board Enterprise as your first officer. Get your mind out of the gutter.” 

“I think I have a higher probability of the first meaning of your words, even though I think he has a girlfriend. If she hasn't broken up with him yet for the sake of his species. It’s not that he’s just going to reject my offer to be my first officer on the Enterprise, he’s leaving Starfleet altogether. Somewhere in his mind he thinks that he needs to be the savior of his race.”

Yup, definitely crushing. “You know, it’s never good to make decisions right after a major loss. This may be a guilt reaction.”

“Thank you Dr. Kirk for your professional opinion,” Jim said sarcastically.

“Isn’t that why you called?” Winona mildly pointed out. “And you know I'm right.”

“I know, and there’s a lot of guilt to go around. Next time I parachute onto a drill to set explosives, I’m splitting up the charges among everybody instead of giving them to the one most likely to be killed,” Jim said bitterly.

“Do you want to talk about that?”

“You mean the fact that if I did just one thing differently, 6 billion people would be alive right now? No, not really.” Jim looked down, his shoulders slumped. “They’re making me a captain even after I badly fucked up,” he said quietly. “This is so messed up. They just want me on a poster.” Jim’s voice was a mixture of fear and frustration.

“Well, you do have the most beautiful blue eyes,” Winona smiled.

Jim looked up at her, smiling back. “Thanks Mom.”

“Let’s deal with one problem at a time,” she suggested. “Since I know you don’t really want to talk about your feelings, let’s focus on getting you your Vulcan first officer.”

“I don’t think the situation is salvageable. I mean, he’s even leaving his girlfriend behind. That’s not good. Although, they’re probably not together anymore. If I was in her shoes, I don't think I’d stay with someone who wanted to leave me to go off and make babies somewhere else, even if he is sex-on-legs.”

“Do you feel bad about what you said because you want to sleep with him?” Winona asked out of curiosity.

“No. I hate it when people use George to hurt me. So, I feel like an asshole for doing the same thing.”

“There were extenuating circumstances,” she pointed out. “Explain what happened and why you did what you did. Also, throw in a sincere apology. Those are always helpful.”

“Is that going to be your solution for all my Spock -related crises from this point forward?”

“When said crisis is caused by your own stupidity or bravado, yes.”

“I knew I could count on you,” Jim said sarcastically.

“Okay, you can also open yourself up a little bit. Talk to Spock about growing up without your father. Or you can talk about losing your brother at 21. That might be the more comparable situation. If you talk to him, maybe you’ll see that you’re not so different and he’ll see that maybe working with you would be a good thing.”

“I'll think about it.”

She’s pretty sure that’s Jim Kirk-speak for ‘I’m not going to listen to your advice.’ “Now that that’s been settled, Jim, let’s talk about your guilt in regard to the events at Vulcan.”

“Sorry, mom. Got to go. Captain things.”

“We are going to talk about this,” Winona said just as the screen went blank. Jim had always been great at avoiding things. She’s sure he got that from her.

Jim texted her later to say he did apologize, and according to him it didn’t work. Winona felt like it didn’t work because Jim failed to heed her part of the advice about finding common ground. He always kept himself too guarded. She blamed herself for that too. It probably didn’t help that Jim apologized via a chocolate gift bouquet.

On the day the Enterprise was due to leave on its five year mission, she got an ecstatic email from Jim about how Spock in the end had agreed to be his first officer.

The next nine months were filled with Jim’s off handed comments about his first officer’s aesthetic beauty and finer points, when he wasn’t complaining about the guy being a stubborn asshole. Jim assured her it didn’t mean anything. Winona didn’t need her psychology degree to know better. Jim would get it, eventually. She just hoped that it wouldn’t take one of them almost dying to realize it. 

Unfortunately, it did.


	4. Interlude: The Call No Mom Wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. You are all wonderful.
> 
> Warning: Grab tissues. This is probably going to be the saddest conversation in the entire story. It makes sense since we are now in Star Trek Into Darkness territory.

Winona was surprised that she didn’t meet her son’s first officer, not even virtually, until nine months into their mission.

Considering how often Jim spoke about said first officer, she really expected him to pull the Vulcan into one of their vidchats significantly earlier. She had even met Spock’s father and grandfather, but not the Vulcan in question, due to her decision to spend a year on the new Vulcan colony helping the survivors adjust. She was chosen because of her work with other disaster victims on Earth, as well as her previous ‘experience’ with colony life. She hoped to every omnipotent being in the quadrant that the food supply wouldn’t be attacked by genetically modified fungi – living through that once had been bad enough.

Of course maybe the lack of her meeting Spock was because she was on a distant colony and emails and text messages were a better form of communication. (Lucky was being taking care of by the Barnett girls and she was pretty sure she wasn’t getting her cat back.)

Earlier that evening she received an email from Chris about Jim getting demoted to commander due to “breaking the goddamn prime directive because he had a schoolboy crush on his first officer.” It was at 3:42 am that she was pulled out of bed by a deep space call – which was never a good sign.

Startled to see it was her son’s elusive, and now former first officer, her heart sank further. When she saw he was visibly distressed, her concern grew exponentially. She has been on new Vulcan for months, and had learned if you could read their emotions on their faces, then something catastrophic had just happened. The face in front of her displayed worry, sadness and fear.

Oh God, this is not good.

She remembered the call from Sam’s ex-girlfriend, Arlene, four years earlier. The young woman had left Sam because she found herself pregnant and couldn’t raise their baby around him, even though she still loved him. Instead of taking her ultimatum as a reason to get help and clean up, his body was found a week later in his pool. Drowning plus a drug overdose. It didn’t matter because it meant that he never got to hold Samantha.

Looking at the Vulcan in front of her, she saw the same fear in his eyes that she had seen in Arlene’s that night. There were the same regrets. That desire to do things differently. She read it all loud and clear. Maybe it was because she spent so much time around Vulcans since the tragic events surrounding their planet, or maybe it was because her psychology degrees left her well-equipped to read the facial features of Vulcans who hid their emotions. With all the things in front of her, Winona’s mind could only come to one conclusion.

She felt the room spin and her stomach drop. “My son is dead.”

She said it as a statement because somehow she just knew it was true. She just knew. She would have liked to lie to herself and say that if her assumption was true, then Chris would be the one to call her to deliver the catastrophic news. Especially because he was supposed to be Jim’s boss right now. However, the eyes of the Vulcan in front of her held too much pain in them for her to come to any other conclusion.

“Not at present, Dr. Kirk.”

Somehow she didn’t believe it because his body language said the exact opposite. Then she played his words over again. ‘Not at present.’ She knew that Vulcans were literal. If he wasn’t presently dead, then he was at some point earlier in the day. She shook her head because that made no sense.

“But from your wording, I infer that he was at one time.” It was a statement, but it held a question.

“Obviously, being on the New Vulcan colony, and it being 3:47am your time, you are likely unaware that an unauthorized Federation-created warship named Vengeance crashed into the city of San Francisco two point three hours ago,” Spock told her systematically.

That wasn’t an answer to her question, but the enormity of what he’d just said made her gasp. “It’s usually only emergency calls that get here in ‘real time.’ Most other information takes days or weeks. How many casualties? Do they know?”

“Negative. Disaster recovery is on-going.”

“I assume that whatever happened in San Francisco, Jim was involved?” And apparently it was enough to kill him.

“Yes, his action saved the entire crew of the Enterprise and prevented a second ship from crashing into Earth’s atmosphere.” His words were carefully chosen. Winona knew that she was being lied to. She really needed to talk to Chris. In the back of her mind, she kept wondering why Chris wasn’t the one calling her. She kept wondering why Spock was talking as if Jim was still his Captain. He was supposed to be on another ship, not the Enterprise. Her mind was screaming at her that something was wrong.

“And being the big damn hero killed him,” is what finally came out of her mouth. Once again, it was not a question. Deep down in her heart, Winona knew better.

“Temporarily, yes.”

“Like his heart stopped for a few seconds while he was on the table?” That was the best case scenario. Dr. McCoy, whom she had met multiple times, was a brilliant surgeon. If anybody could bring her son back from the brink, it would be him.

“It was more than ‘a few seconds.’ James was placed in cryo- stasis until he could be revived properly at Starfleet Medical, before all brain function ceased.”

She really wished she wasn’t speaking to someone so automatically forthright, but underneath the direct tone was pain and fear.

“If I asked you what happened, would you tell me it’s classified?” She had a feeling that was why he was lying to her Vulcan style.

“As I would be required to provide such a response, I would therefore request that you do not ask for the details regarding events,” Spock stated succinctly. 

“That’s okay, I still have security clearance. Chris will probably tell me everything once he calls.” As she spoke, the Vulcan in front of her went from a healthy honeydew, to eggshell white. This was not good.

“I surmise you have not yet received a communication from Jane Barnett requesting you to contact her at your earliest convenience.”

“Correspondence gets here when it wants. What does that have to do with Chris? Is he hurt?” It was possible. It would make some of Spock’s statements make more sense.

“There were earlier incidents. The first involved a Starfleet facility in London being attacked—”

“—I heard about that.”

“The second involved the same individual responsible, opening fire on a conference room at Starfleet Headquarters, filled with officers discussing the first incident. There were 10 fatalities. Admiral Christopher Pike was among them. I grieve with thee.”

She didn’t hear the last few words that he said although she thought the word grief was in there. She already in a state of shock from hearing her only living child was in cryo-stasis and was yet to be revived. Chris having died hit her on an entirely different level.

“Was the person who killed Chris also responsible for nearly killing Jim?” Winona asked, voice still shaking.

“Yes, he was.”

“Did you get the person responsible?” Winona wanted to strangle the life out of him with her bare hands. He took her Chris and he almost took her son. Winona wanted to beat the shit out of him. She wanted to make him hurt like she was hurting.

“I saw to it. Personally.” There was a dark edge to the Vulcan’s words.

“I hope you killed him.” She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. And yet the words fell out of her mouth before she could stop them. Maybe she was just too upset to filter her words. Chris wasn’t supposed to be dead. Jim wasn’t supposed to be near dead.

“Unfortunately, I was unable to. However, I was able to physically incapacitate him through blunt force.”

She believed that to be Vulcan for ‘I beat the individual unconscious and I’m not sorry’.

Good.

“James is a strong individual. I have no doubt that he will pull through this. Also, I have full faith in Dr. McCoy’s medical abilities.”

She stopped herself from mentioning that most Vulcans found faith illogical, instead she simply nodded her head.

“As for Admiral Pike, during his last moments I melded with him to help ease his pain. His final thoughts were of you. He cared for you greatly.”

By this point there was a single tear running down her cheek. “I cared for him too, more than I realized,” she admitted, looking for a tissue to wipe away the tears that she knew wouldn’t stop coming. Unfortunately, there weren’t any in the communications room. “It’s the worst feeling in the world to realize exactly how much someone means to you when...” It was too late, remained unspoken.

“I understand. James is important to me,” Spock told her.

“I’m not surprised. He talks about you all the time.” What would she not give to be listening to one of Jim’s Spock rants right now? She just wanted her baby to be okay.

“I am now aware that James considers me a friend. He told me before his near death.” The Vulcan paused, almost as if he was uncertain what to say. “Either Dr. McCoy or I will update you on James’ progress regularly. Good night, Dr. Kirk.”

With that the communication ended.

Maybe it was because of her extreme distress due to Chris’s death that she did not understand the true scope of Spock’s words. It didn’t even register when Dr. McCoy called to tell her Jim was out of cryo- stasis and in an induced coma, and at the same time, confirmed that her son’s first officer really had beat the guy senseless who killed Jim. It did begin to click into place when she got reports and pictures of Spock sleeping by her son’s bed. (She would need to thank Jane for providing her a fluffy moment as she worked through her Chris-related depression. There was nothing worse in the world than not realizing you’re in love with somebody until after they die.)

It didn’t become clear to Winona until day 21 of Jim’s recovery, when she received another deep space transmission from Starfleet medical. She prepared herself for the worst until she saw a smiling Vulcan on the screen in front of her. Yes, he really was smiling.

“James is awake,” Spock told her in a cheery by Vulcan standards tone.

That explained the smiling. His eyes were alive and happy. He was actually smiling. A real smile. It was almost terrifying. Definitely disconcerting, considering what she’d been dealing with on the colony.

“I’m glad. It was touch and go for so long.” Those must have been the days when the misery was evident in Spock’s dark eyes that she could see in the images that Jane sent her.

“And yet James has pulled through. He is currently being examined by Dr. McCoy and others at the Starfleet Medical Center.” There was a tone of relief in his voice.

“So they kicked you out?”

“Yes. Although, I was asked to procure a cheeseburger in the interim,” he said nonplussed.

“That’s my son. You know he’ll just throw it up. There’s no point in violating your vegetarian sensibilities,” she warned. Jim tried to eat a burger right after Tarsus and the results were messy, to put it politely.

“Yet, it would bring Jim pleasure. He deserves such.”

“Maybe when he is done recovering. For now, just get him a really good vegetable broth.”

“A logical suggestion.”

“I’m glad he has a friend like you.”

“James will always be my friend.”

It wasn’t what he said but the way he said it, that finally allowed everything to click into place. Spock liked Jim. He really liked Jim. Of course, neither figured it out until Jim was dying.

Fortunately for all parties involved, Jim’s death was less permanent than Chris’s. She was eternally grateful for that.


	5. Call Three: So I Kind of Realize I Have a Crush on My Not Available First Officer. Help!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for commenting. You’re all absolutely wonderful. More emotions in the next conversation.

“I’m sure at this point you’re aware I’m not dead,” Jim said as he popped on the screen in front of her.  Winona had wanted to speak with her baby the day he woke up.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to until the next day.  It didn’t matter because she was just so relieved to see him in front of her.  She wished she was there in person, so she could touch him to know that it was real, that he was real.

 

“You wouldn’t be calling me if you were,” she joked.  She had lost George, Sam, and Chris; but Jim was still here.  Thank every omnipotent being in the galaxy that Jim was still there.

 

“Point.”

 

“I’m also aware it was very touch and go for a while.” _You died. You really died and the only reason why you lived is an experimental medical treatment using genetically modified antibodies._   Winona didn’t say that out loud, partly because she wasn’t supposed to know that, but Jane had all the good Intel.  She tried to keep her voice as neutral as possible.

 

“Did Bones tell you what happened?”

 

“Your first officer.”  _Who I think is in love with you_.  She didn’t say that out loud because she knew better.  “He was concerned.”  _He slept beside you - for three weeks!_

 

“He was there when I woke up from what I assume was a medically induced coma.”

 

 _Because, again, he slept next to you for three weeks!_ “I don’t think it counts as a coma if you’re clinically dead for more than 10 minutes.  They put you in stasis!  STASIS!”  So much for trying to keep her voice neutral.

 

“You’re angry,” Jim observed.

 

“You almost died.”  _And Chris did die._

 

“You’re going to tell me to get a safer career?”

 

“Well, that would be ridiculously hypocritical, considering I asked Pike to recruit you in the first place.”  She didn’t say Chris because if she said his name she would break down in tears and Jim didn’t need that.  She had been informed by multiple sources that Jim did not handle Chris’s death very well.  He didn’t need to see her losing it.  She was a professional.  She could do this.

 

“What?” Jim said shocked.

 

“I guess he never shared that story with you.”  Winona was a little surprised by that.  She was sure that Chris would’ve told him eventually.  Maybe he was waiting until Jim made it to the Admiralty.  It was too late for that now.

 

“Not at all.”

 

“I was scared for you, after Sam died,” Winona explained.  “Especially because I had to keep getting you out of jail.  You were lost and we didn’t exactly have the relationship at that point where you would listen to me when I told you that you needed something in your life other than bar fights and alcohol.  You were more than Riverside.  You’re more than this whole planet.  That’s obvious by how many times you’ve saved it already.”

 

“Yes, dying just after my 26th birthday.  At least that’s…what, a year later than Sam?”

 

 _And three years earlier than George,_ she thought bitterly.  “Even if it wasn’t, it’s better than drowning in your pool because you were too high to realize lungs need fresh air, not water.  Sam couldn’t get himself together to be there for Samantha.  You got yourself together and nearly died to save 1200 people.  You win.”

 

“Chris is dead now, mostly because of my screw up,” Jim said murderously.

 

“No. Chris is dead because of some asshole that was beat to a bloody pulp by your boyfriend.” Thankfully, the asshole took out the other asshole who thought he could control an augment by rewriting his memories.

 

“I know that Bones told a lot of people that Spock was my boyfriend so he wouldn’t get kicked out of my room, but that’s not exactly…”

 

“Stop lying,” Winona interrupted.  “I’m not going to lecture you on sleeping with your first officer.  Nor am I going to lecture you on violating the Prime Directive to keep said first officer that you’re sleeping with alive.  If all I had to do was break the Prime Directive to save your dad,” _or Chris_ Winona adds mentally, “you know I would’ve done it.” A million times over.

 

“I know, but it’s not like that.  Spock’s a friend.”  She wanted to laugh right then, but that would have been inappropriate.

 

“Who you would violate the Prime Directive for.  You know a lot of people use the term friend for someone they’re actually sleeping with, especially between two guys.  It’s the 23rd century.  You would think we would be over that by now.”

 

“He has a girlfriend.”

 

“He stayed with you for three weeks.  Don’t try to deny it.  Jane sent me pictures.  Are you sure he still has a girlfriend?” Because Winona is not sure she wanted to stay in a situation like this.

 

“She brought me a chocolate milkshake and then promptly threatened to kill me if I ever did anything this stupid again,” Jim explained.

 

“I think I like her.”  _To each their own_.

 

“I do too.  Which is why there’s nothing going on between me and her boyfriend.”

 

 

Winona just gave her son her patented ‘Are you kidding me’ look.  “How many times, has Spock shown up in your emails to me in the last nine months?”

 

“Shit!  When did you actually get to know me?”

 

 _About a year after cremating your brother._ “Apparently during boring star mapping assignments where all you do is email me.”  At least they gave her something to read at night.

 

“Dying gives you a lot of clarity,” Jim told her.

 

 _Losing someone you really care about also gives you a lot of clarity._ “How so?” she asked him instead, realizing that she needed to stay in listening mode.

 

“I don’t think I’m as mad at Dad as I used to be.  I understand why he did what he did.  For so long, I was angry that he chose dying over us.  Now I realize that he didn’t die to be the big hero.  He died to save us.  Not the crew, _us_.”

 

It had taken Winona a long time to realize that.  Actually, she hadn’t figured that out until after Tarsus.  She was glad Jim got there, too.

 

“Who did you die for Jim?” Winona asked, even though she was 99% sure she knew the answer to that question.

 

“Spock,” Jim answered without a second of hesitation.

 

“I’m not surprised.”

 

“The last person I saw was Spock.  He was the one with me.  The one I wanted with me.  If these were going to be my last moments of life, I needed him.  More importantly, in those last few moments, I realize he was the most important being in my universe.  And yet I couldn’t tell him that.  I was dying and the words wouldn’t come out.  You know what my last thought was?”

 

“That you love him.”  Considering she came to a similar conclusion after finding out Chris was dead, she wouldn’t have been surprised if that was Jim’s epiphany.

 

“That I wish I’d realized I was in love with him sooner.”

 

“But you’re not dead yet.”  _Unlike Chris._   “You have the chance to fix the regrets that you have.” _Unlike me._

 

“You can’t fix this,” Jim lamented.

 

“I thought you didn’t believe in no-win scenarios.”

 

“I don’t.  It’s just I don’t want to completely fuck up another relationship.”

 

“Yours with him or his with his girlfriend?” Winona asked.

 

“I don’t even know,” Jim admitted.

 

“I think you should tell him,” Winona advised.

 

“And then be short a first officer and possibly communications officer if and when I get my ship back?  No.”

 

“Doing nothing doesn’t change things.  Worse, it can make things uncomfortable down the road.  At least this way you won’t be keeping this secret.”

 

“I’m not sure if I should take advice from someone who stayed married to Frank.”

 

“I left.”

 

“Not until after I left you.”

 

“Actually going to Tarsus was my first attempt at leaving him.  And yet I fell back into old patterns until you gave me a wake-up call.”

 

“Running away is always a good option.”

 

“No, it’s not.  But you just woke up from a coma, so I’m going to let you rest and not argue anymore.”  Because Jim is not ready for this conversation at all.

 

“Thanks ever so much.”

 

“Call you in a few days, okay?”

 

“Okay.”


	6. Call Four: Birthday Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter you are all wonderful.
> 
> A few notes:  
> 1\. These conversations are not the only time Jim talks to his mom. They actually talk to each other a lot. These are just the epiphany moments.  
> 2\. We are jumping ahead about 4 years to Star Trek Beyond territory.  
> 3\. The idea for this story came from the moment in Star Trek Beyond where Jim told Bones that he was going to call his mom on his birthday. This is that phone call.

“Happy birthday, Baby,” Winona said as Jim popped up on the screen the day before his 30th birthday.  In the past four years, she had finished up her time on the new Vulcan colony, spent six months living with her only grandchild on the Devon colony, and saw her baby off on the start of his five-year mission.  She also ended up taking a position as a contractor at Starfleet medical.  She still wasn’t sure how that happened.

 

Winona had also developed a very close friendship with Arlene.  It was likely due to her understanding what it was like to go on after the love of your life has died.  Thankfully, Arlene had it much more together than Winona ever did.

 

“I guess that’s better than congratulating me on living longer than my father and brother,” Jim joked, but his eyes were dark and angry.

 

 _Mostly because I’m a little surprise you did make it this far, especially after nearly dying four years ago._   Winona didn’t say that out loud.  She could already tell the birthday blues had set in.  This was why they didn’t do Jim’s birthday on his actual birthday.

 

It had been almost 4 years since Jim almost died and Chris did die.  She really didn’t like talking about it – especially about losing Chris – because four years had yet to turn the pain into a dull ache like 30 years had done with George.  Just like 30 years ago, Winona forced herself to move forward.  Actually, that didn’t happen 30 years ago, but she had more people to keep her tethered this time.

 

“I hope you get a good 40 or 50 more,” Winona said.

 

“I’ll try.  It was a near thing yesterday.  I was nearly clawed to death during a peace negotiation that went badly.  Never bring a weapon to show that you want to give peace a chance.”

 

“There’s a story here,” she said, slightly confused.

 

“One that I choose not to relive.  So how’s the girlfriend?  Is she still taking you to a bed and breakfast tomorrow as a distraction?” Jim asked.

 

With her son, granddaughter, and widowed sort-of daughter-in-law literally light years away, and one of her closest friends dead, Winona became lonely despite now living in the same city as her BFF Jane.  (The Barnett girls even kept her cat.)  She was lonely enough that she allowed Jane to drag her to various clubs, singles bars and every other similar place in the San Francisco Metro in hopes that she would either get laid or at the very least make a few more friends.  Only the latter ever happened.  And no, it hadn’t made losing Chris hurt less.

 

Then two years after Chris, she met a doctor named Kayah at a psychologist’s conference about helping patients process their loss.

 

Kayah managed to fill up the empty spaces in Winona's life and quickly took the best friend mantle from Jane.  Yes, there was a physical component to their relationship.  After losing Chris before she realized what he really meant to her, she was not turning down offers of physical intimacy again.  However, she would categorize their relationship as a deep friendship with bonuses.

 

“We’re just friends.”

 

Jim actually laughed.  “So that’s what they’re calling it now.  Did I not walk in on you and her doing inappropriate things at Arlene’s wedding?  It’s been almost a year and yet I still can’t look at coat rooms the same way.”

 

Arlene got married on the Devon colony to a nice guy, who just happened to also be a Chris (and it only took her three months not to wince whenever she heard the name).  Winona eventually came to adore him because he treated Samantha as if she was his own daughter and was respectful Winona’s relationship with her granddaughter, inviting her into their house with open arms. Actually, he regarded her so much that he named her honorary grandmother of the new baby that Arlene was carrying.  They just found out Arlene was four months pregnant at Christmas.

 

“I changed your diaper.  Get over it,” Winona said in her defense.

 

“Hey, I’m perfectly okay with you moving on.  You know, if you actually want to acknowledge it.”

 

 _Said the guy who’s been pining after his best friend for four years._   However, Winona knew better than to mention something like that out loud.  “Some friendships have a sexual component,” she shot back.  “Labels aren’t important.”

 

“I don't know after last time.  I would've really liked to know that I wasn’t actually in a monogamous relationship,” Jim said bitterly.

 

That was understandable considering what happened.  Jim wasn’t anywhere near as lucky as Arlene was when it came to matters of the heart.  In addition to being in love with someone (a.k.a. his first officer) who was with somebody else, his most recent attempt at a romantic relationship disintegrated into tears and infidelity.  Just because you have a reputation for being the ship slut doesn’t mean you actually are.

 

She wasn’t the type of mom to assume that her son was completely blameless.  Mistakes were made on both sides.  One, you probably shouldn’t date someone just because they work in the same department as the person you’re actually in love with.  Two, if somebody is not getting what they emotionally need from you, they will go outside the relationship.  However, that still didn’t excuse she-who-would- not-be-named for sleeping with somebody else before the breakup.

 

Jim didn’t even find out about it by catching her in the act.  No, he found out when she-who-would-not-be-named put in a transfer request because she learned she was pregnant and didn’t want to raise the baby with Jim.  The thing was, thanks to nearly dying due to radiation poisoning, Samantha was going to be Winona’s only biological grandkid.

 

Of course, Jim never told the girlfriend that.  Finding out your girlfriend was sleeping with someone else was not good under any circumstances.  Finding out due to her being pregnant with someone else’s child, a child you could never have, was downright tragic.  It was probably made worse now by Arlene being pregnant again.

 

“I know you're still upset about what happened with your last girlfriend, but that’s no excuse to stop trying.  You just need to find someone worthy of you.”

 

“Preferably somebody who’s actually available,” Jim joked.  “I’m over it.”

 

That was Jim Kirk, for ‘I don’t want to talk about it’.  He never had.  She didn't even find out anything about it until Arlene’s wedding.  (She didn’t know how it had been arranged, but the Enterprise just happened to be close by to Devon when the wedding was happening.)  Jim arrived with Spock and his girlfriend on each arm instead of the girlfriend he was supposed to bring.  Jim didn't even tell her what happened, Spock did.  She was 99% positive that the woman’s reassignment to Delta Vega to study the aftereffects of red matter was the Vulcan’s doing.  Spock was fiercely protective of Jim.

 

In light of everything she knew, Winona just stared at Jim for a moment because she knew he was lying through his teeth.

 

“I really am over her.”

 

_Because you were in love with someone else the entire time.  But that doesn’t mean you’re over what she did to you._

 

“I’m moving forward,” Jim continued.  “I’m even considering other job possibilities.  A change of scenery could be useful.”

 

Now that was a surprising development.  “New job?  You love the Enterprise.  She’s your baby.  You send me pictures of your ship like Arlene sends me pictures of Samantha.”  She had an album’s worth of bridge crew pictures.  And yes, a good 30% of those pictures were of Jim’s first officer.

 

“You can only do so many peace treaty negotiations that that end in claw marks before you question the futility of what you’re doing,” Jim explained.

 

“You are way too young to be dealing with a midlife crisis,” Winona told her son.

 

“Maybe I’m having a quarter life crisis.  Arlene’s remarried and pregnant.  I’m here alone and it’s not like I’m ever going to have children.”  Jim had started seeing the Enterprise psychologist Dr. Margarita Cruz to help deal with his near-death experience, although it was pretty obvious Jim hadn’t talked to her about certain aftereffects of what happened, like the sterilization.

 

“There’s adoption and other genetic options.  Also, I don’t think it counts as remarriage if you never actually made it to the altar the first time.”  _Because your brother was too much of an addict to get there._

 

“You know what I mean.  And no adoption agency would think about letting someone like me adopt a kid.  Especially one on a starship.  Not going to happen. So, here we are.”

 

“And you want more than this?” Winona asked.

 

“Some of my friends have actually managed to balance family and Starfleet.  Sulu has a picture of his daughter on his console.  What do I have?”

 

“Samantha,” Winona replied.

 

“Who is wonderful and the best niece in the universe, but no husband to run into the arms of at the end of the day.  You were married for six years by the time you were my age.”

 

She was a widow by the time she was his age, but she didn’t want to say that out loud.

 

“Space is lonely,” Jim continued.  “Maybe space station life will be less so.  I put in an application to be a Vice Admiral on Yorktown.  At least you, Arlene, and Samantha could visit there occasionally.”

 

Winona tried her best not to break out laughing.  Her son was legitimately having a quarter life crisis.  “Baby, I know you.  Jim, you would be pulling your hair out within a week.  Even though Arlene and Samantha will be able to visit, you would be away from your friends and you’d hate that.”  Time to be brutally honest.  “Also, I don’t think you can be more than a hundred meters away from Spock without getting a rash.”

 

“Funny.  I’ll be fine, and Spock will have Nyota and the Enterprise, so he can get over it.”

 

That’s when everything clicked in Winona’s mind.  “You’re not considering leaving because you can’t watch the person you’re in love with be in someone else’s arms?”

 

 

“Mom!” Jim yelled, and suddenly was no longer making eye contact with her.  That was Jim Kirk for ‘Mom, you’re right, but I’m never ever going to acknowledge that – ever.’

 

“Oh, don’t ‘Mom’ me.  You’re leaving.  No, you’re running away because you can’t take watching the guy you’re in love with be with someone else.  I raised you better than that.”

 

Now Jim was glaring at her.  “When you were there?  When you were well enough to bother?” Jim replied flippantly.

 

“I meant more recently, at least since I started taking the antidepressant hypos.”  Never let it be said that Winona was not self-aware.

 

“Well, there’s no magic hypo to fix this situation.  It’s not like I have any other options.  He’s with someone else.  He’s in love with someone else and I tried to move on emotionally with someone else, and it didn’t work.  So, now I’m going to move on physically and hope that it has better results.”

 

That was as close to an acknowledgment as she was ever going to get.  “But you didn’t love her and she knew it.” Winona barely kept herself from mentioning the fact that Jim spent more time playing chess with his first officer than engaged in any activity with the girl.

 

“That doesn’t make cheating okay.  I’ve never believed in sleeping with other people’s…property.”

 

“Of course it doesn’t,” Winona sighed.  “I should’ve never let you listen to so much classic hip-hop as a child.”

 

“You were the one who introduced me to dad’s vinyl records,” Jim told her pointedly.

 

“And when you started waking me up to Beastie Boys at 3am, I totally regretted it,” Winona replied.

 

“I’m trying to be the bigger person here.  Nyota is a wonderful person, who I adore, mostly because she had her Admiral mommy reassign my evil ex-girlfriend to Delta Vega.”

 

Dammit, she was so sure it was Spock.

 

“So, I just have to get over it,” he added.  “And since trying to date other people worked out so badly, the next option is distance.”

 

 _Have you considered a poly relationship?_ However, she decided not to ask this out loud because there are some things she does not want to know.

 

“I don’t think you should leave because I don’t think it’s going to hurt less being light years away from Spock.  I don’t think what you’re feeling will go away with time or distance.  It’s been four years and one ridiculously awful relationship and you’re still in love with him,” she said pointedly.

 

“But this way I don’t have to watch Vulcan kisses in the officer’s dining hall.”  At least he was being honest with her.  “Besides, I just applied for the job.  I have to meet with Commodore Paris in like 15 minutes and she will probably hate me, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

 

“Oh, you’ll get the job.  You’re that good.  It’s just that running away isn’t going to solve anything.  I ran a way to Tarsus so I wouldn’t have to deal with the Frank fallout,” she admitted.

 

“I would like to think that Yorktown is significantly safer than Tarsus,” Jim joked.

 

“One would hope.  Go meet your future boss and have a good birthday, Baby.”

 

“Well, it would be really difficult for it to be worse than the time Sam pushed me into a cake and tried to call Iowa Children Welfare Services to see if they would take me and give him his dad back.”

 

She had really hoped Jim wouldn’t remember that.  “Your brother was an ass who couldn’t deal with his problems.  You can do better.” With that, Winona ended her call.

 

She had a good Remembrance Day with Kayah until she was informed that the Enterprise was a total loss.  January 4 really was cursed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I decided not to state who Jim’s ex-girlfriend was. It’s readers’ choice.


	7. Call Five: Sorry I Didn’t Call You Earlier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all great. This conversation takes place about a week after the last one and therefore most of the events of Star Trek Beyond have taken place in the interim.

"Hi Mom." Jim doesn't even need to say his name for Winona to know who's calling her. Of course, the fact the caller refers to her as mom is an obvious clue.

"Don't you dare 'Hi Mom' me right now!" Winona said angrily. Winona was glad this was a voice only call most likely due to the strained resources on Yorktown post attack. She knew she'd start crying if she saw her son right now and she wanted to stay angry. "Your entire ship was destroyed and you got marooned on an uncharted alien planet. Then your team managed to harness the power of the Beastie Boys to save an entire space station."

"You know it sounds really silly when you explain it that way. I assume you talked to Jane because I was hoping they would keep the Beastie Boys thing out of the official press release." Jim sighed. He sounded exhausted.

"Yes, she was kind enough to tell me what the hell happened before the official press release came out. The Beastie Boys thing did not make the final statement." Neither did the fact that the person responsible for the terrorist attack was somebody she studied at the Academy. "I also was informed of Ambassador Spock's passing. Please pass my condolences on to your first officer. He really helped me get settled when I was working on the colony with the survivors." Actually, he was the one who suggested bringing in therapists for the survivors.

"I will as soon as we're not so busy. I was just waiting until the rescue operations were over to call you. That only happened about half an hour ago."

She could pick up on a hint of pain in his voice. That was understandable considering the Enterprise was a total loss. "Did you find anyone else?" she asked.

"Yeah. We found another 10 crewmembers on planet. That means only 885 crewmembers died on my watch." Jim's words were bitter. They broke her heart.

"It wasn't your fault." She just kind of wanted to hug him right now.

"Yes, it was." His words were not cold, but stiff as if he was trying not to show he was in pain. She knew better.

"No, it wasn't. Jane told me a bit more than what was in the official press release."

"So you know the real identity of the terrorists that attacked Yorktown?"

"Baby, we studied Captain Edison at the Academy too. I know all about the 22nd century war hero thrown into the captaincy for publicity reasons instead of a therapist chair." Stuff like that happened all too often really. Winona had no idea where she would be right now if she hadn't gotten help after Tarsus.

"My dark reflection," Jim said bitterly.

"No, not really. You told me more than once that you've been working with your ship psychologist. Maybe it's time for a session," she gently suggested.

"I would, but Dr. Cruz was killed along with her husband."

Winona closed her eyes in remembrance of her fallen colleague.

"I know I probably should talk to someone, but I don't trust the team that they dispatched to work with the survivors. Actually, that's why I'm calling."

"I love you, but I can't be your therapist," Winona said quickly. "There are ethical rules about that sort of thing. I will be your mom and listen to you. I'm worried. When was the last time you slept?" Because the longer they speak, the more obviously weary Jim sounds.

"After my birthday party a couple of days ago, mostly because of the vast quantities of wine consumed. I know you're worried, but I'm okay."

_Liar!_

"According to Jane, you watched your ship crash on an unknown planet after a vicious attack. You watched your crew be kidnapped and/or killed. You are not okay, Jim," Winona said bluntly.

"Did she tell you that Spock almost died? My Spock, not the other Spock." There was an underlining sense of panic and pain in Jim's words.

"Jane didn't tell me about the injured."  _Because the reports about the deceased were bad enough._  "What happened?"

"He managed to escape our attackers by commandeering one of their ships, only to crash land and get a piece of shrapnel in the stomach. It missed his heart by mere centimeters. Thank god Bones is a miracle worker."

"So it's my Spock now?" Winona asked pointedly.

"That's what you got from that?"

"It's my job to point out your Freudian slips."

"That was not a Freudian slip. I do not see Spock that way."

"Don't lie to Mommy, Bubble Butt," Winona told him, trying not to laugh.

"Please don't call me that."

"Not happening, Bubble Butt."

"Okay, maybe I should find a new therapist to work with," Jim reluctantly acknowledged.

"Thank you." Winona exhaled in relief. That was one situation she didn't have to worry about anymore.

"Although, that's mostly because they'll make me take the sabbatical on New Vulcan, instead of letting me be the interim captain of USS Endeavour, if I don't talk to someone. I don't think the brass will consider drinks with Bones as therapeutic."

"I wouldn't count that either. What's this about an interim assignment?" Why would he need an interim assignment as a ship captain when she knows that they're handing Yorktown to him on a silver platter for keeping the inhabitants from being the victims of biological weapon of mass destruction.

"So, I'm sure Jane told you they're rebuilding the Enterprise, or rather building a brand-new Enterprise and it's going to be at least six months until they're done. It's not like I'm going to be flying off in my baby anytime soon." Jim seemed more excited about his ship than he did a few weeks ago. Maybe he learned like Winona did years ago that you have to lose almost everything to appreciate it.

"Jane also told me that they were planning on rewarding you with an Admiralty position at Yorktown."

"Which I don't deserve since most of my crew died. I haven't even got past the "C" of my condolence emails yet."

She would tell him that he doesn't have to send out emails, but they already had that argument after the Vengeance incident. This was just Jim's first step on dealing with the aftermath. She wished that he didn't have to deal with something like this again, but as much as Jim said he wanted a quiet desk job, that was never going to be her son.

"Honestly, I don't want it either. You were right. I would hate a desk job. It's not where I belong."

She was thankful he got that. "It's one thing to say that you don't want something," Winona said, "but it's another thing to think that you don't deserve it. You kept Yorktown from being destroyed by a biological weapon. You along with your team helped save nearly half a million people – at a minimum. If Yorktown had been successfully destroyed, the results would've been catastrophic."  _It would've incited a war._  She didn't say it out loud because they both knew as much.

"I don't get a lot of things I deserve, so what's one more. It doesn't matter. I'm getting an interim assignment on Endeavor. That is unless I decide – or Command decides for me – to take a couple of months off and do a sabbatical on New Vulcan, which involves working on my Masters and assisting with the data recovery efforts instead."

"What do you want?" Winona asked.

"I don't know," Jim answered honestly.

"Maybe you  _should_  take the sabbatical. If anybody can figure out how to find traces of data sucked into a black hole, I'm sure you could. Did you call just to get my opinion on what you should do? I can tell you're exhausted and burned out by what happened. Maybe you should take a step back, this time. You went right back to work after almost dying last time. You took the first interim assignment they gave you after you were cleared." And she wasn't sure that was the best course of action.

"They needed the bodies."

"Things are a little bit better now. This could be good. My old doctor's at the colony working on creating a mental health safety net and a new program at the Academy to train mind healers. I think maybe you need a little break after what happened." I think you probably need professional help, especially if Spock almost died again.

"That's not why I called. Would it be an ethics violation for you to work with one of my crewmembers?" Jim asked, and she really wasn't expecting that.

"Depends on who it is. Leonard would probably be a hard no, because he's your platonic life partner," Winona answered quickly.

"It's Nyota. She got kidnapped by the villain of this catastrophe after saving my ass. Then she got to watch the Life-force be sucked out of several of her fellow colleagues as well as watching another one get disintegrated by a biological weapon of mass destruction. She also broke up with Spock twice within a one-week period. I don't want her to do anything rash when she's not in her right mind."

Okay, that explains why she's getting this call now.

"Your friend breaks up with the guy you've been in love with for four years and you're worried about her decision-making?" Winona asked incredulously. She did not mean for the question to come out like that, it just did.

"Yes, because she's my friend, and they probably just broke up because of stress. Okay, they first broke up before everything went to shit, but then they were kind of sort of back together at my birthday party and now I'm processing termination of romantic relationship papers. Spock's being extra Vulcan and not explaining why they're not together. When I asked Nyota about it, she just says that although she still loves him, she thinks that they need different things and that they should just be friends."

"And she may be right," Winona told her son.

"You don't just walk away from six years together. Maybe you can convince her of that. You don't have to talk to her in a professional capacity, but maybe you can convince her to give Spock another chance."

It was probably best that it was a voice-only call because that way Jim couldn't see her mouth fall open in shock. "I'm slightly confused, so please clarify this for me. The guy you have been pining over for four years is now single and you want me to talk to his girlfriend so they can get back together? Really?"

"Yes."

"I don't even… I'm so sorry I never took you to a therapist as a child. You do know you deserve nice things right? You shouldn't be scared of the possibility that you could get the guy," Winona told her son, because she felt like he was punishing himself.

"I just want Spock to be happy. Nyota too."

"What about your happiness?"

"I don't get to be happy," Jim said darkly.

"Yes, you do."

"Dad is dead. Sam is dead. Chris is dead too, along with 90% of my crew." Jim's voice was stressed as he spoke.

"Baby, it's easy to be in love with somebody when you can't have them. There's no risk involved. Because if you never have them in the first place, then they can't leave you. Except I'll tell you from personal experience, losing someone you never had feels a thousand times worse."

"Yet you've been in a fuck buddy relationship for the last two years. This is also after I missed out on Chris being the good stepdad."

"Exactly. At least after I lost George, I still had you and Sam, and all our good memories together. With Chris, all I had was regret. Between losing your dad and the colossal mistake that was Frank, I was afraid. Terrified of falling in love again, being in love, or even acknowledging it, until it was way too late."

"Exactly."

"And it was the biggest mistake of my entire life, and I say that as somebody who married Frank."

"I didn't think it was possible to do worse than Frank," Jim snickered.

"Well, I managed to top it. But Baby, you don't have to make that same mistake. You got lucky, baby boy. You've had three near misses and all your reasons for staying away are gone. So what are you going to do?" Winona asked.

"Avoid being the rebound fuck for a relationship that just ended after six years," Jim said bluntly.

"So whose idea was it for you to do a New Vulcan sabbatical?"

"Spock, actually. I think he just doesn't want to be on the colony alone with his ex-girlfriend, who's going to be spending time during the ship's rebuilding assisting with the communications infrastructure at the colony."

Winona put her head in her hands. God, why did he have to be this frustrating? "Okay, you're definitely not the rebound. He asked you there because he wants you to be there."

"I wish we had the resources for a video call because that way you could see me glaring," Jim told her.

"I'm not saying jump in bed with him. I'm saying take the sabbatical. Take some time to recover from what happened. Schedule an appointment with Dr. Suarez."  _Because I really, really think you need professional help._  "I don't think putting you on another ship is the best thing right now," she added. "You just saw the long-term consequences of doing something like that."

"Logical. I don't want to end up like Edison. Oh God, I've been spending way too much time with Spock."

"And now, you'll be spending more time with him." She smirked to herself.

"Does that mean you won't speak to Nyota?" Jim asked.

"Conflict of interests because she's your friend. But I can give you a few names of colleagues who can do deep space sessions, and may have the security clearance to deal with this." Because it's obvious that Jane didn't tell her everything that happened during the Yorktown incident.

"Thank you."

"Look, I know you're busy."

"Mostly sending out letters for the dead. I'm going to start on the D's after this call." He tried to make it sound like a joke, but all she could hear was the fact her son was almost on the verge of tears.

"Then all the more reason to not neglect yourself. You lost a lot of people. This is another traumatic experience for you in a long list of traumatic experiences. Don't internalize. And don't shut out the people who care about you. You don't have to call, but a few emails would be nice."

"I will Mom."

* * *

And he did a few weeks later which helped alleviate some of her fears.

To: Starfleet mental help desk WKirk

From: KirkJT

Time Sent: 02/03/2263

Subject: Sabbatical, here I come

You were right. Just because two people love each other, doesn't mean it's going to work out. Maybe, Spock and Nyota are better off as friends. There's less fighting, which is great for morale. I'm not going to interfere. I'm just going to be a friend and let things be what they will be.

I'm going to take the sabbatical even though Bones is pissed at me for changing my mind at the last minute. Okay, he's pissed at me because now he's stuck working under someone else for the next six months at a lower position than what he deserves, and now we won't even be together. It was the whole reason why he accepted the position in the first place. Although, he does agree that I'm not mentally healthy, so at least there's that.

I think I need a break before I sit in the Captain seat again. After what happened, I realize that I really do love my job, even the mind numbingly boring parts. Now, I just have to deal with everything that comes next. Maybe some time away with friends will help.

I already have several appointments lined up with Dr. Suarez. I'm sure our first session will be all about how I feel responsible for my last therapist's death. I know you're going to say it's not my fault, but I don't feel that way. So, I'm going to focus on getting me healthy and let the Spock situation settle itself.

I hope.


	8. Call Six: Why the Hell Did You Not Call Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who has been with me through this story. Also thank you to everybody who has read, added the story to your alerts, left kudos, and especially those that have left comments. You are all absolutely wonderful.  
> This is the final chapter of call mom home. Enjoy.

Jim would like to say it was a 3:42am New Vulcan sunrise or the weight of his bed partner on top of him that woke him up, but no, it was the communicator lying beside his bed.  If it wasn't for the type of list of people that would call him at 3:42am that he had, Jim would let the call go to voicemail.  (Jim desperately wanted to let it go to voicemail anyway, but unfortunately the only people with the balls to call at this hour were not the kind you could ignore.)  Chances were it was either Starfleet (who still couldn’t quite comprehend the meaning of the term sabbatical) or his mom, as Arlene was ready to pop at any moment.  So, despite being exhausted due to five days of strenuous assistance with a medical condition that Vulcans do not speak of and currently being cuddled by the Vulcan in question, Jim reluctantly answered his communicator.

“Hi, Jim speaking,” only to instantly regret it.

 

“How the hell can you get married and not tell me?” Winona Kirk screamed at him.

 

_Oh shit!_

Of course, she knew.  And of course she was screaming.  Really, he shouldn’t be surprised at all.

 

“Hi Mom,” Jim said sitting up in bed now that Spock was lying beside him.  Spock was looking at him with concern and self-consciously pulled up the sheet.  Jim would think the maneuver was cute if he wasn’t dealing with an obviously furious Winona.  The last time he had a call like this was when a certain convertible managed to find its way into a certain ravine.

 

Now that Spock was well enough to start filling out the copious amounts of paperwork in response to their decision to bond, Jim knew that he would eventually have to call his mom and explain everything.  He figured she’d be OK with it because she’d been the Vulcan’s greatest cheerleader for the last four years.  (And she really, really hated the lieutenant that Jim tried to date to get over Spock.)  Obviously, he miscalculated.

 

“Oh, don’t you dare ‘Hi Mom’, me.  You got married without telling me.  What the fuck were you thinking?”

 

_God, he was in so much trouble._

“I was going to call you today.”  As soon as he figured out if Spock was in the mood for shower sex.  Okay, so maybe they should have tried dating before this happened, but Pon Farr waits for no Vulcan.  However, according to Spock’s ex-girlfriend, it felt like they’d both been dating Spock for the last four years, so maybe there was no point in waiting any longer.

 

“Although obviously Jane beat me to it.”  And Jim is not sure whether he should be mad or send the woman a gigantic and expensive bottle of alcohol.  It was a tossup.

 

“Even though Jane is no longer the Starfleet’s spokesperson, she still has contacts and they let her know about being asked to put together a press package announcing Captain James Tiberius Kirk of Enterprise’s recent marriage.  _Of course_ she told me before the press release.”

 

Oh Shit.  Jim mentally cursed Vulcan efficiency.  Seriously, they’d just filled out the paperwork to register their bond the evening before.  Starfleet shouldn’t have been working on press packages – they shouldn’t have even know yet.  Maybe Nyota gave the press office a heads up?  He knew she had friends there.

 

“Don’t forget her Admiral husband,” Jim reminded her.  “So how much did she tell you?”

 

How screwed am I?

 

“Just that you're married.  I don't even know if I have a son or a daughter in law.  I would think I should at least have an idea if you were dating before I found out you secretly got married.  The only person you’ve talked about in the last three months is Spock.” Because outside of occasional lunches with Nyota, Spock has been his only real companion during his sabbatical a.k.a. Operation: Do not end up like Edison.

 

“Mostly because I’m surrounded by assholes who make stupid comments about my husband.  I won’t deal with people talking shit about him because he decided he’d rather be in Starfleet.  He's done more for the Vulcan population than they will ever do, so they can just shut the fuck up.” And maybe Jim should spend more time with his therapist because that came out a little angrier than he intended it to be.

 

“You married Spock?”

 

Wait, how did she get that from what he just… That’s when Jim realized that he just referred to Spock as his husband.  Oops.

 

“Yes,” Jim replied sheepishly.

 

“Well, at least I don't have to yell at you for accidentally marrying someone when you're in love with someone else.” Winona actually sounded relieved.

 

“You were envisioning a Risa quickie to some complete stranger that I picked up while completely drunk when Jane told you about the surprise wedding?” Jim asked his mom.

 

It annoyed him that she or anyone else would instantly think that.  He was way past that level of stupidity.  No, his new level of stupidity involved locking himself in a room with his fucked up on hormones best friend with a backpack full of lube, medical supplies, and ration bars to get them through the duration.  But as of five minutes ago, he was sleeping peacefully next to his favorite Vulcan (who survived this weird Vulcan biological urge), so it was all good.

 

“Yes,” Winona replied. “I already had a list of divorce attorneys ready to go.”

 

Okay, that pissed Jim off a little bit which explained why Spock was now massaging his back.  This feeling each other’s emotions thing might actually be useful.

 

“That list will not be necessary,” Spock said from beside him.

 

“Is that your husband?” Winona asked.

 

“Yes.  He can hear you without speakerphone, because Vulcans can hear everything.”

 

“Spock, you know I like you.  I also know that you’ve probably had feelings for my son longer than you’d like to admit because you were with someone else.  So, unlike the scenario I was envisioning, at least I know this isn’t a loveless relationship triggered by alcohol and bad decision-making.”

 

“You are correct,” Spock replied.

 

“Wait, how long did you have feelings for me?” Jim asked turning to Spock.  Jim knew that Spock cared about him a lot – he’d been in the Vulcan’s mind multiple times over the last five days.

 

“I became aware of their existence when I watched you die,” Spock responded.  Jim didn’t need to ask which death, because he just knew it was the warp core incident.

 

“And then you didn’t do anything for four years?” Jim said with a pout.

 

“And this is why I’m concerned.”  Winona’s words reminded him that he was on a call with his not that happy mom.  “I know that you guys have had strong feelings for each other for the last four years and have been work spouses for a lot of that, but you two have gone from pining and in a relationship with someone else to married in three months.  Jim didn't even tell me that you guys were dating.  That’s a big change without transition and that could lead to problems down the road.”

 

“We weren't really dating unless you count late-night chess matches and the fact we're sharing an apartment on the colony.”

 

“We also ate all meals together,” Spock pointed out.

 

“Do we count that as dating?  We kind of did that before,” Jim said pointedly.

 

“Despite the fact you two now sound like an old married couple, how exactly do you go from subconsciously stealth dating – because you two _were_ dating – to marriage?” Winona asked, still concerned and audibly confused.

 

‘ _Biological necessity,’_ Jim thought to himself, but he wasn't going to tell his mom that, mostly because he wasn't allowed to tell his mom that.  Pon Farr was a closely-guarded cultural secret and now that he was married to a Vulcan, it was his job to help preserve those cultural secrets.

 

“It just sort of happened,” Jim answered instead.

 

“How do you just sort of end up married if you're not totally wasted on Risa? I mean it's not like you can get him pregnant.”

 

Okay, that statement kind of pissed him off, again.  This conversation hadn’t been going well since the beginning.  “Because even if he was part of the ‘identify as male, but still has a uterus’ Vulcan population, I'm shooting blanks.  Thanks for reminding me Mom,” Jim said bitterly.  He had to remind himself that because of repopulation efforts, Spock would be donating his materials to the cause, which meant that parenthood would still be an option for the couple, just in a different way.

 

“Sorry.  It's been three and a half years since I was on the Vulcan colony.  I forgot half the stuff I learned about Vulcan biology…” That was when his mom went really, really quiet for a good three minutes.  Jim almost wondered if there connection was lost or delayed.

 

“Pon Farr?” he heard his mom whisper, just before he was about to end the call, assuming that the transmission was disrupted.

 

“How do you even know about that?” he asked, truly shocked.  He learned last week that Vulcans do not talk about it.  Jim wouldn't even understand why Spock was locking himself in his bedroom if Nyota hadn’t been brought into the secret years earlier when Spock was sure she would be the one he would be going through it with.

 

“Along with lots of other fun things, the destruction of Vulcan caused a lot of Vulcans to go into premature Pon Farr, probably to help with the repopulation.  I had to work with a lot of people through their crisis,” Winona explained.

 

Unfortunately, Jim could only think of one way she could help people through said crisis.  “Please tell me you didn't function as a sexual surrogate? I don’t feel like throwing up right now.”

 

“Didn't happen,” Winona reassured.

 

“Oh thank god, because that would just would be…” Jim shivered. “I don't want to think about you doing that.”

 

“Being forced to have sex with somebody else to stay alive after losing your partner in a horrific act of genocide can be traumatizing.  I helped people work through that trauma.”

 

“Even for individuals who don't acknowledge that they can be traumatized.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

 _You were right mom.  It was easier to be in love_ _with somebody who was unavailable because I was too traumatized by everything I’ve gone through to let myself feel love, but I wasn’t going to lose Spock again._

“Your hypothesis is correct.  James did indeed help me through my time of biological need,” Spock answered for him before he could come up with something to say that wasn’t horribly needy.

 

“And yet you're now married to each other and neither of you obviously wants my divorce attorney list.”

 

“Definitely not.”

 

“That is unnecessary, Dr. Kirk,” Spock said from beside him, with one arm now firmly wrapped against his bare torso.

 

“So how did you end up at the altar?  Because there are sexual surrogates on the colony and other provisions for this sort of thing.  There’s even medication you can take to prevent a bonding.”

 

“Would you accept that I love him and he loves me?” Jim asked, and then placed a kiss on Spock’s lips.

 

“I would if you two hadn’t spent four years avoiding your feelings for one another like the plague,” Winona said bluntly.

 

“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not so much of a bastard that I would try to steal my friend’s boyfriend.  That’s just kind of mean,” Jim told his mom.

 

And technically he didn’t take his friend’s boyfriend.  Nyota had reassured him that things had fallen apart because they had different goals.  A temporary assignment on the colony was fine, but she never saw herself here, full-time and she knew eventually, Spock would want to go there and start a family.  Jim kind of liked it there and was okay with this being their future retirement home. And because Jim was sterile, they were on Spock’s biological clock when it came to having children.  This meant chasing around children at 50 or 60 once Jim was way too old to be a Starfleet Captain, and Jim could deal with that.

 

Although at the same time, Jim wondered if he was a contributing factor.  The birthday phone call was recovered by Nyota during her efforts to piece together the timeline of what happened to the Enterprise.  She now knew the real reason why he almost left the Enterprise.  She was now the only one who knew the truth outside of his mom.  Nyota found out right about the time she ended things with Spock for good.  Jim couldn’t help but wonder if that knowledge influenced her decision, but he was too afraid to ask and he wasn’t sure she would answer.

 

“But it worked out in the end,” Winona said.  “You can’t plan life.  Sometimes it just ends up where it does.”

 

“I know,” Jim agreed.

 

“So how did you get here?” Winona asked.

 

Vulcan biology was fucked up due to the extreme population loss and all Vulcan’s were out of the normal seven year cycle.  We all ignorantly assumed that due to his hybrid physiology Spock was unaffected.  It turned out he was unaffected because he did not live around other Vulcans.  However, being on the colony caused him to go into an early cycle and he was such a stupid bastard that he tried to deal with it alone.  Even Nyota would’ve helped him if he asked, but he didn’t.  Jim was not having that, however.  So he stepped up and by step up, he meant he broke into Spock’s quarters with a backpack filled with first-aid supplies, sex supplies, and food to ride out Spock’s fuck or die cycle, sometimes literally.

 

“I’m sure you remember Vulcans were going into Pon Farr off-cycle when you were here. That’s what happened to Spock, and because I care about Spock I helped him through it.”

 

“And yet you somehow ended up married, which wasn’t necessary.”

 

Why did he have to have the one human mom in the entire galaxy that knew more about this than she should?”

 

“We chose to bond because our minds are compatible and we are devoted to each other.”

 

Spock placed a kiss on his neck as he spoke.

 

“Do you love each other?”

 

“Yes,” they both answered emphatically, as Spock pulled his hands into a Vulcan style kiss.  Jim was starting to like Vulcan kisses.  They were discrete and could be done on the bridge as soon as he got his new ship.

 

“Do you plan to be with each other through good times and bad?” Winona asked.

 

“Yes,” they again answered simultaneously.

 

“Do you make each other happy?”

 

“Yes,” they both answered again, and Jim was just happy that Spock was willing to acknowledge feeling happiness.  It probably helped that Spock was now kissing him breathless in the human tradition.  He loved all the things this Vulcan could do with his tongue.  Vulcan breath control was a wonderful thing.

 

“Then, congratulations and welcome to the family.

 

“Thank you,” Spock responded.

 

 _If it wasn’t for you keeping me from being a total idiot about Spock, we wouldn’t be here right now_ , Jim thought happily.

“Although, you are having a real wedding.”

 

Jim buried himself in Spock’s chest.  She couldn’t let him be happy for a minute.

 

“Or you could marry your girlfriend instead,” Jim pointed out, “if you’re really desperate to plan another wedding.”  He wished things could’ve gone differently with Chris, but he was totally open to a new step mommy.

 

“We’re just friends.”

 

“I said that too about Spock, and now I’m naked in his bed, so that’s a lie.”

 

“I’m working on it, wish me luck.”  The comment came from a very familiar voice, who was obviously in the room with Winona for this call.  Jim grinned, unsurprised.

 

“Is that our wonderful just a friend?” Jim needled.

 

“Go back to your honeymoon.”

 

At that, Winona ended the call.

 

“It is inappropriate to mock your mother.”

 

“I’ve been dealing with her telling me to tell you how I feel about you for the last four years, because you had a girlfriend who would totally kick my ass.”  _And maybe I wasn’t ready for you to reject me._ “But hey, I did listen to her when she told me to take the sabbatical, which was good because you would have totally ended up with your ex.”  Or dead.  Jim would like to believe that Nyota would have totally broken down the door herself.  He knew she was a complete bad ass and would have kept Spock from his noble suicide.

 

“I am grateful that you heeded your mother’s advice.”

 

“So am I,” Jim said as he pulled Spock on top of him for another kiss.  Okay, it was more than just a kiss.  You would have thought that after five days of medically required sexual activities, Jim would have been over this (and too sore to sit down), but he would never be over the way Spock made him feel with every caress and touch.  He never wanted to be.

_Winona really did give the best advice sometimes._

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you to everyone who has read this story over the last two weeks. I’m glad that you enjoyed it. It is always possible that I could revisit this universe again. I never say never. There’s also artwork for this story that will be posted, hopefully at some point in the near future.
> 
> In the meantime, the sequel to Dear Spock and Dear James that you all have been waiting for, Dear Demora (and other Epitaphs from Enterprise), will debut with the first chapter next Saturday, October 7, 2017. I want to get at least five or six chapters banked before I start posting which I should have by next Saturday.


	9. Bonus: Artwork for call six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Misaky0 who does art work for my MCU story, I hope you have unlimited text messaging, graciously did this piece for this story because I asked so nicely. Please give her a round of applause for her great work, especially because this is her first time doing artwork for Star Trek.


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